remember

This is probably geared more to the woman in the house but a few of you guys might identify, too.

Spring break is over and the kiddies are back in school. Do you remember how much you looked forward to spring break when you were a kid? I bet you didn't realize how much your mother was looking forward to it being over.

The old joke goes: A Mom was asked what would be the first thing she'd do after the kids went back to school, and she answered, "Take a bath with the door open."

When my children were small, the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world was to be able to go to the bathroom and shut the door and not have anybody bother me. For just two minutes.

But invariably, the phone would ring, and while struggling to get myself together and reach the receiver the youngest would answer and say "hello" followed immediately with "bye-bye" and then a hang up. And back then we didn't have last number redial, so unless they called again, I had no clue who it was or what they wanted.

Also it seemed the only time one of the darlings ever broke a glass or a lamp (or an arm) was when the bathroom door was shut.

Oh, ok, it wasn't always that bad. Sometimes they just stood outside the door and had a conversation with me. They couldn't see me so they had to make sure I was really still there. And because for all they knew I was in an adjoining State, or on the moon, they had to compensate with a voice level somewhere around 80db.

And then of course they never had to "go" until I shut the door and two nanoseconds later there was the frantic knocking and their shrill little voice proclaiming NO I CAN'T HOLD IT I HAVE TO GO NOW.

The worst, of course, was when I KNEW they were up and about and had just settled myself on the throne and everything went suddenly totally horribly quiet.

These days I don't have any of those problems, because my children are way beyond that juvenile description.

No, these days if I go to the john and close the door, there are two little paws that creep underneath, reaching, reaching, reaching, batting the air. And if that doesn't persuade me to come out, then the door begins to move back and forth as KTT shoves against it, over and over and over, striving to get in.

I tried not closing the door, but then he joins me, and goes in and out and around my feet until I am ready to scream.

Bathroom privacy. It's a lost cause. Even with no kids in the house.